I think I’ve done a fairly decent job highlighting my work on my blog, but I don’t think I’ve done such a great job at expressing how I feel as much. My feelings are vast, and very deep. I usually retreat to my journal for such entries, but I think it’s important to share here also. I would be lying if I said that things were perfect all the time. This reflection is simply what’s on my mind today.

It’s been 10 months. I’m half way to the end of my international term. I’m doing okay. I wish I had more work to do sometimes. I wish I understood the language more sometimes. I wish I could feel more a part of the community sometimes. The people here are wonderful, and friendly. But I don’t think I will ever shake the title of foreigner —which I am of course, but I mean I kinda do technically live here for now. Or just having people see me as nothing more than an American on an exposure trip…that is if they think I’m American at all. Most of the time people think I’m African. And when I tell them I’m American it’s usually ,’ Ohhh Black American.’ Well yes, but if we are talking nationality, which is typically the question, I’m American. They don’t typically refer to people of European decent as ‘White Americans’, they are just American. So why can’t I be American too? 

In the last 10 months I’ve figured out a lot about me. I’m now paying attention to my body more than ever and the things it’s telling me. I know that the palm of my hands, which are typically extremely pale, get blotchy red when I need to drink more water. I recognize every new mosquito or random insect bite and have ways of treating them. I know what kind of Filipino food I can and can’t eat to make sure my body doesn’t have some terrible reaction. I think this is due to the difference in diet and ingredients here. I now eat more ginger than ever before for preventative reasons. It helps if you have an upset stomach fyi.

I’m also more in touch than ever with me— what I like, what I stand for, and what I want out of my future. I’m writing a lot more. Something that I’ve been passionate about for quite awhile, yet have been to shy to put my work out there. Now I’m trying to put as much of my art out there as I can. I have gained so much clarity in many different areas.

Life feels like a huge puzzle right now. I get a new piece everyday. I’m slowly putting it together. It’s starting to take shape, but I can’t make out the image yet. I’m learning, I’m taking in every little thing. I know that somehow they will fit into the puzzle. I’m leaning on God, I’m speaking to Him in different ways than I have in the past, and He is doing to same. There are ups and downs from day to day, but overall I can’t complain. I’m so blessed. I’ve learned, I now understand just how blessed I am.

I turn 26 next week. The years seem to be moving by faster and faster. There are great things coming, I can feel it. This reflection has no real point to make, just talking honestly from the heart. Okay I’m done.